Changing the past
by CharlieCasualtyTamx
Summary: Tom and Sam want to get to know each other better, so they both volunteer to help with a traffic collision. However, it doesn't end as planned... Set after Duty Calls, Tom/Sam
1. Chapter 1: Back to the past

**This fanfic is set after the episode 'Duty Calls'. Tom/Sam. Please read and review! :D x**

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"Okay guys, there's been a major RTC on Windsor road, Dixie and Jeff have called for backup, anyone volunteering to go?" Nick Jordan asked his gathering team of staff at the reception desk.

"I'll go."

"Thank you Sam, I appreciate your help."

"I'll go with her…" Tom was determined to get to know this beautiful girl more.

"Right then you two, Dixie and Jeff will be waiting, go and get into your paramedic gear."

Tom flashed a cheeky grin at Sam as they changed in the staff room, and Sam did her best to ignore it without smiling to herself. They got into the ambulance silently without a word.

"Sooo… who's driving?" Tom asked Sam awkwardly.

"I will, I'm faster anyway."

"Ha ha very funny. You're a girl, there's no way you're faster than me. They used to call me the King of Speed you know…"

Sam grabbed his arm and pulled him into a headlock swiftly, and as much as Tom struggled he couldn't push her arm back. Tom grimaced as he realised he was weaker than this girl.

"Oh really? We'll see about that…" Sam smirked to herself as she felt Tom's embarrassment almost radiating off him. She finally let him go and they both climbed into the ambulance, Sam in the driver's seat. She pulled off fast, jerking the ambulance and laughing as Tom's head smashed against the back of the chair.

"OW! Do you mind?"

"No not really…"

"You're quite strong, for a woman you know…" Tom acknowledged what a mistake this was as he saw her cold glare.

"I should be, I was in the army for 3 years, Afghanistan. The training was pretty tough, I doubt you'd be able to handle it."

"Really? That's… admirable. Bet there were loads of young men there…" Tom subtly tried to hint, in hoping he would find out if she was single or not. He liked competitive spirit in a girl.

"Yeah, I guess. There was this one man… Ian… he... wait, why am I telling you everything about my personal life? I barley know you!"

"No… go on. Tell me about Ian."

Sam trusted this man already, he may have been an arrogant pig, but he had a kind, almost caring presence.

"He was lovely, sweet, funny, and cared for me like no other man had ever done before."

"What happened?"

"I left. I had to leave. I shot a man, he had a family… a son, called Hassan. And I dream about him every night. His face… he was so scared. I shot him three times, and I'm a murderer. I couldn't live with it. I killed that boy's father Tom."

Tom was silenced as he watched Sam, tears freely streaming down her face. She turned away, not wanting to show him her weakness.

"SAM LOOK OUT!"

The ambulance swerved as they reached the RTC on the highway. It smashed through the metal barrier and rolled three times down the steep, grassy slope, before finally coming to a halt at the bottom.


	2. Chapter 2: Warm-hearted

There was silence in the smoking ambulance, which was lying on its side at the end of the hill.

"Sam?! Sam are you ok?!"

There was a slight groan from the side of the ambulance. The wall on Sam's side had caved in, trapping her from getting out.

Tom climbed out the left door on top, running round and peering through the smashed windscreen. He could make out the pale figure in the darkness, she was grimacing and had her eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"Sam, can you get out?"

"No… my arm is stuck, go, get some help."

Tom ran to the top of the slope as fast as he could anxiously, not wanting to leave her, before spotting Jeff, who was completely unaware and busy treating a patient.

"JEFF! Help me please! It's Sam, she's stuck, we need the fire crew!"

Hearing the shouts, Jeff and the fire team came running, following Tom to the lump of neon yellow metal lying mauled at the bottom.

"Jesus Tom, how did you manage to survive that with a few cuts and bruises? You need to get that seen to mate."

Jeff asked the young man, nodding at the deep red gash across the side of his face.

"Oh, it's nothing. Just please, get Sam out!"

"I didn't know you two were so close, I mean, you've only been here two days…"

"We're not, well, we are but… I don't know."

They finally reached the hissing vehicle. Glancing through the window, Tom could see Sam's face trying to bear the pain with little success. Her arm was by her side, trapped in between the heavy metal of the door and the side of the dashboard.

"Sam! You're going to be okay… the fire crew will cut you out and then we'll take you to hospital."

The team immediately got to work, blue sparks flying as the metal was torn away. As soon as the door was gone, Tom slowly lifted her out and set Sam on her feet. She cradled her arm and her eyes leaked droplets of sheer pain. There were quite a few lacerations embellishing her face.

"Here, let me look at that…"

"No Tom, it's fine. It's just twisted."

"Sam, it's obviously not twisted, Sam you're in pain, just let me have a look please!"

Sam reluctantly moved towards Tom, and didn't pull back when he gently took her arm in his hands.

"Sam, take off your jacket."

"Why?"

"Well, it's clearly broken, and I need to fix it. Come back to Jeff's ambulance, I can treat you there."

Sam shrugged off her jacket with some help from Tom, wincing in pain, and followed him to the motorway, her arm in Tom's large hands. They sat down on the step of the ambulance and Tom retrieved a medical bag from the side. Giving her a morphine injection, he reset the bone and used about half of the bandage supplies, winding them round her arm extremely tightly, also attaching a sling so the arm wouldn't move. He took a cotton wool bud and softly stroked her face, cleaning away the blood.

"I think we should go back to the ED and get your arm seen to, it's pretty badly broken…"

"No, it's fine, I can carry on. There are people who need us here. Now, let me treat your face."

Tom grinned at her kindness and courage, smiling as she stitched his head, even though it hurt a lot. He resolved to ask her out when they got back to the ED.

"Let's go Doctor Tom."

Holding her bandaged arm and a red medical kit, Sam ran over to the nearest car. Dixie knelt beside it, trying to treat a man inside.

"Sam! Umm… I think maybe Jeffery will need your help, this man is stable." Dixie urgently hinted as Sam approached.

"No, Jeff has Tom and this man certainly does not sound stable." She noticed the heavy breathing sounds coming from the interior of the smashed car.

"What happened to your face? And your arm?"

"Oh it's nothing to worry about, just a minor incident. Stop trying to change the subject. We need to get this patient out."

"Okay, I'm sorry. This is Alan Nicholls, 47. His car collided with another; he is very breathless so he's on oxygen, GCS 5, BP 90 over 50. He has suspected internal bleeding and head injuries."


	3. Chapter 3: Sins of the Father

**Please review!**

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Sam stood silently, listening to Dixie intently. Tears dribbled over the top of her eyelids as she watched her father blink slowly and gaze up at her in a plea of help.

"He has chronic bronchiolitis, diagnosed at 32 years." Sam shakily spoke.

Dixie stared blankly at the young, shocked girl.

" I'm sorry, I don't follow…"

"Chronic Bronchiolitis. It causes breathlessness progressively. That's why he can't breathe very well."

"Dad? Where's your asthma pump?" Sam went over to the upside down car window and knelt by her father.

"Sam… My baby girl." Her father managed to talk amongst his quick breathing.

"No Dad, I'm not your girl any more. I'm Mum's now, I don't want to be anyone else's."

"You will still… always be my beautiful… girl. I'm so… sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Me and Mum were better off without you."

" I'm sorry I… never came back. I didn't want… to go."

"Yes but you did Dad! You left me when I was just 7 years old! I couldn't look after Mum on my own. They took me and put me into a care home! You knew that she couldn't care for me but you left anyway."

"I know and… I'm so sorry. If I could change… the past I would. I couldn't live… with your mum… any more She was just so… helpless and it drove me crazy."

Sam stared at her father in disgust.

"So you left me with her because of the accident. You left me because she was in a _wheelchair_! If you truly loved us, you wouldn't have gone Dad."

"No, I loved you more… than anything. I'm so proud of you… Samantha. I never thought you would join the army and be… a doctor. You're a hero half pint."

"Don't call me that. I'm not your half pint any more. I've grown up wondering why you never returned and you couldn't care less. Face it Dad, you ruined my life."

"I love you… Samantha."

Sam turned away, helplessly crying as her body shook with sobs. She walked away closely followed by Dixie, who had her arm round her shoulders.

"I haven't seen him in 18 years Dixie. He was the reason why I joined the army. He left me all alone."

Sam and Dixie turned as they heard panicked shouts. Jeff, Tom and the fire team came sprinting towards them, running away from something. There was a large pool around her dad's car.

"OIL LEAK! EVERYBODY GET DOWN!"

Horrified, Sam watched as her world exploded.


	4. Chapter 4: Your place in my heart

**Please read and review, constructive criticism also helps as well. **

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"NO! YOU HAVE TO SAVE HIM!"

Sam screamed as the car and her father burst into flames. She ran towards the burning inferno in a desperate attempt to save her deceased dad.

"No Sam! You can't! GET BACK! It's too late Sam. He's gone." Tom yanked her back as she tried to rush into the flames. He held her from behind while Sam struggled against him.

"Please Tom. You have to save him. He's all I have left!"

Her voice came out in breathless chokes, as her face became a pool of salty water. Sam turned round and pleaded with Tom, her head resting on his chest.

"It's ok Sam, it's ok. Shhhh…"

Tom held her, stroking her smooth hair softly. She was violently shaking with sobs and Tom's jacket was soaked.

Everything seemed to be in slow motion. Fire fighters were running forward, large hosepipes killing the flames. Smoke plumed up in florets, turning the air into thick, dense clouds. Tom stood, ignoring the shouts of scared people around him, holding Sam. His eyes were glazed over as if he felt the pain Sam could feel. Sam rested her head on his chest, droplets of water bouncing off the floor.

Finally, the fires ceased and all that was left of Sam's father and the other patients was a smoking heap of charcoal and ash.

Sam gravely walked over to the charred frame of the car and knelt by it. Ashes soared in the breeze as she rested her hand on the small pile of dust.

"I'm so sorry Dad. I could've saved you. I wish I could go back and change the past. I never really hated you, it was the bitterness that overwhelmed me, and blinded my feelings. I hope you're happy in heaven with Mum, and you'll care for her just as much as I did."

Tears were pouring freely and staining the ground with dark splashes.

"I love you Dad. You will never leave me, and you'll always have a special place in my heart."

She picked up a handful of the charcoal and let it fly away in the wind.

Tom came to join her by her side, and picked her up, leading her slowly to the ambulance. When the pair wandered through the doors of the ED, their faces were stained with black dust and deep red cuts.

"Good God! What happened to you?! You look like someone's died!" Lenny exclaimed as he peered up and saw them. He hadn't known, and gasped when Jeff and Dixie explained what happened.

"I'm not sure if you've heard, but Sam's father died today in the RTC fire, so could we show a little respect and sympathy please."

The staff glanced anxiously at each other as Dixie carried on.

"He was called Alan Nicholls, and Sam hadn't seen him in 18 years. As you can imagine she is shocked and upset right now, so I think it would help if we all gave her a little space."

Jeff and Dixie silently exited reception, the horrors of the day sticking out in their minds, arms around each other.


	5. Chapter 5: Heart-Broken

**Here's Chapter 5! : Heart-broken**

**Any tips on how to improve will be more than welcome Please review!**

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Tom walked into the staff room to find Sam asleep on the sofa. She looked so vulnerable, small whimpers disturbed her sleep and her arm was in an odd position in the sling he had fastened earlier. Watching her and tracking over the horrific events of the day, he realised how much this girl meant to him already. Gazing at her softly, he couldn't bare to see her in so much distress so he wandered over and shook her lightly.

"Sam, Sam wake up! It's ok, it was just a dream." He rocked her as she let out genuinely heart breaking sobs, shaking uncontrollably.

"Sam you have to go home. I'll drive you back now."

"No, can't. Haven't finished shift yet... Need to get back... Work now." Sam tried to stand up but was pushed back down by Tom.

"I'm taking you back to your house now. I've already asked Nick and he willingly agreed to letting you have as much time as you need off. What's your address?"

Tom asked Sam as she sat herself down in the passenger seat of the car, a blank look on her face.

Knowing that she wouldn't reply, he took her phone out of her paramedic jacket which she was still wearing and looked up her address. On reaching her house, Sam had fallen asleep in the car. He didn't want to wake her, he knew that the next few weeks would be sleep deprived, so Tom fished the keys out of her pocket and scooped her up.

He took her in to the apartment, laying her on the sofa, hoping she wouldn't wake up. Sam would find it 'extremely unprofessional' for a colleague to be carrying her like this. The apartment was stylish and extremely neat and organised, just like Sam.

He found a photo of Sam and her mum, laughing joyfully together. Sam was about 15 years old, but looked much maturer, like she was already an adult. He picked up the photo and examined her mum. She was in a wheelchair, but looked happy. Tom glanced at Sam in empathy, it would've been a massive weight on her shoulders, to care for her mum 24/7.

Looking around the large space, he failed to find a single photo of her dad.

Tom heard a faint shuffle from the sofa. Sam opened her eyes drearily, her eyelashes freshly stained with tears.

"Hey Sam, are you ok? Nick wants you to take the week off work. Do you want me to stay with you?"

Sam shook her head silently.

"It's fine... I'm sure I can manage." Sam slurred drowsily from her sleep.

"Only if you're sure..."

She nodded in approval, closing her eyes and resting her head back in the armrest and indicating that she didn't mind if he went.

Tom was reluctant to leave her, but knew that he would be in big trouble for leaving the ED without permission or notice. Given that it was only his second day, he was eager not to lose his job this early! He didn't even know this girl properly and couldn't stay with her all week.

Tom glanced back at Sam as he left, longing to stroke her beautiful face. He left in a hurry before he did anything reckless.

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**Sorry, bit of a rubbish ending to the chapter!**


	6. Chapter 6: Anger blinds

**Here is chapter 6, it's a bit rubbish but I needed to fill in a gap and didn't know how! Chloe x**

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Sam opened her eyes as streams of daylight peered through the curtains. She looked around and realised that she was in her flat, but didn't know how. It seemed to be about mid afternoon, shouldn't she be at work? She also had her arm still, in a sling.

As Sam tried to recall how she managed to end up on the sofa, a trail of events came running back to her.

She gasped as it hit her like a ton of bricks.

Her father was dead.

Staggering up from her uncomfortable position on the sofa, she stumbled over to the bookshelf in the corner, managing to pull out a book she hadn't touched in years.

Turning over the dusty cover, she gazed at the tattered documents and photos which were roughly tucked in. Flicking over the pages, memories came flooding back to her. There was page after page of her and her mum from the age of 15 upwards, which was when Sam returned from care to look after her mum. She smiled and laughed at the moments her old camera had captured.

Finally, at the back was a worn document. It was a death certificate, for 2007, the death of her mum. Sam knew that another one would be there to join it soon.

Overwhelmed by the stress and anxiety, she made her way upstairs struggling to hold herself together. In her bedroom, she picked up the only photo of her dad, when they were happy with mum. She stared at it, pools of water soon starting to gather over her parent's faces.

Screaming, she hurled the photo frame across the room where it smashed and dented the wall. Sam then stumbled to the broken photo and grabbed it, scrunching it into a ball and sending it flying.

"YOU LEFT ME! YOU BOTH LEFT ME! IT'S NOT FAIR!"

Finally, after squeezing all the tears she could manage out, Sam curled up in a ball on the carpet and helplessly sobbed.


	7. Chapter 7: State of mind

**Hi, sorry it's been so long since I updated, I've been really busy this weekend. Ill try to post the next chapter asap! Here's chapter 7: it's not very interesting or good so forgive me! Please read and review!**

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Tom pulled his phone out of his pocket for what seemed like the hundredth time. He scrolled down to Sam's name and glanced at his long list of unanswered messages.

He'd been texting and calling Sam all week, with no reply.

Sighing, he clicked on her name and hopefully held the phone up to his ear.

"Hello this is Samantha Nicholls. I'm sorry I'm not here to take your call. Please leave a message and I'll ring back as soon as possible."

"Ummm.. Hi Sam. It's me again. Please call back so I know if you're ok. Ummm... Ok then. Bye"

Tom searched through his contact list for her address, before getting into his car after his shift.

He drove anxiously, pushing the accelerator down more every time he thought about Sam.

_This is silly... I mean, I barely know her and I'm going to her house unexpectedly. She's probably fine anyway..._

Tom abruptly pulled up in the street outside her flat.

He jogged to the door and rang the doorbell several times before jogging back to see if he could peer through the window.

On the top floor, he spotted a small trail of blood embellishing the clear glass.

_Something isn't right..._

Tom ran up and kicked the door hard, grinning as it swung open easily.

_I've always wanted to do that..._

He ran up the hallway stairs and found scraps of photos littering the carpet, next to an old book sitting open on the desk.

He followed the trail of paper upstairs to the bedroom.

Tom hurriedly smashed open the door and gasped as he found a beautiful girl silently crying on the floor.

The plaster on the wall was cracked, and a metal photo frame lay beneath the mark, the photo and the glass missing, crystal spikes sombrely lying on the floor.

_God, she must have a killer throw to dent that blooming wall!_

On the windowsill there was a scrunched up photo, with lots of blood soaked into it, and the window held the red mark where it had hit.

Finally, a helpless young girl was curled up on the floor, sobbing her eyes out.

Tom sprinted over to this poor young girl, cautiously reaching out a hand to comfort her. Her sling had been flung over to one side of the room and her plastered arm was slightly cracked.

"GET OFF ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Sam screamed and started to recklessly hit Tom, hard, angry fists flying into him.

"Hey stop... Sam it's me... Tom?!"

She carried on hitting him, even as he pulled her into a warm hug, trying to comfort her. He tried to grab onto her flailing fists as they left bruises on his chest. He could see that they were tightly clutching shards of glass and dripping blood.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Sam! Calm down. It's ok, I'm here."

Sam's raging fists gradually grew weaker as she became more tired. Tom scooped her up into his arms ignoring the reluctant struggles and ran her to the car, lying her down in the back seat.

"GET OFF ME! YOU DON'T KNOW ME! SOMEBODY HELP!"

"Shhh, shhh Sam. I'm taking you to the hospital, don't worry OW! Please just let me take you there."

There was no answer from Sam's screaming mouth, her eyes were screwed up and she repeatedly kicked and punched thin air, occasionally making contact with Tom.

He climbed into the driver's seat and sped off towards the ED.

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**Finally, chapter 7 finished yay! Ive always thought that Toms voice mail sounds exactly like the kind of message Dylan would leave hehe :)**


	8. Chapter 8: Scarred for life

**Here's the new update, Scarred for life. I tried using a play on words with Sam's history and her hands, (not sure if its that obvious :P). **

**Chloe x**

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"HELP ME! SOMEONE HELP! GET OFF ME!"

Sam screamed as Tom tried to pick her up again when they reached the hospital.

Zoe and Nick came dashing out the doors of the ED as they heard the pleas of help coming from the car park.

"HEY YOU! GET OFF HER OR I'LL CALL THE POLICE!"

Zoe shouted at Tom, who had his back to her, as he wrestled against the struggling girl in a car. She started pulling her phone out of her pocket as Tom made no move to stop.

Nick grabbed hold of his shirt and pulled him back from the car door, pushing him to the ground. He gasped as he saw who it was.

"Ow Nick. That hurt."

Tom cautiously poked his throbbing wrist as he stood up.

"It's Sam. I don't know what to do. I went to her house to check on her and she was like this. She doesn't know who I am!"

Nick knelt by the door and leant into the depths of the dark car to find Sam curled up in the corner, her head buried in her knees.

"GET AWAY! ALL OF YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"It looks like she's had some sort of a nervous breakdown. We need to get Sam inside to address her hands."

"Ok, how are we going to do that?"

Zoe ran to the nearest ambulance and took out a needle from a bag.

"We have to sedate her."

"NO! You can't do that, you're treating her like a worthless animal! It'll hurt her!"

"Tom, don't you think she's been through enough pain already?" Zoe asked, nodding at Sam who was punching the back of the car chair and crying repetitively "YOU LEFT ME!"

Tom backed off, his face a pale shade of grey, slowly nodding at Zoe who proceeded to inject Sam.

After a lot of resistance and punches, she managed to sedate her. Tom nearly cried himself as Sam's heart wrenching sobs began to fade softly. He stepped forward when Zoe indicated that he could take her now.

He peered into the car and saw Sam at the back sleeping restlessly. Her bloody fists clenched in sleep and tears ran down her pale, lonely face.

Tom reached in and lifted her into his bruised arms, flinching as her light form rested on his wrist. He started a steady jog towards the bustling hospital. Hesitating, he turned back towards Zoe.

"Sam wouldn't want everyone to see her like this. I think we should respect that."

Zoe nodded.

"Ok. You're right. Tom, take her round the back and into CDU. She should be fine there."

Tom lay Sam down on the cubicle bed before proceeding to extract the shards of broken glass from her hand. After it was done, Zoe stitched the cuts and Nick led Tom to get his wrist seen to.

"You know I'm sorry, don't you?"

Nick sat him down on the bed.

"No, for what?"

"Pushing you over like that. It was my mistake and I'm sorry."

"Is this actually Nick Jordan... Apologising?"

"Yes it is now hold still. You're lucky it's just a sprain." Nick said, feeling the wrist and seeing how far it could bend before Tom cried out in pain.

"Am I?" Tom wasn't really listening, his attention was solely on Sam.

Nick bandaged Tom's hand swiftly with the skill and precision of an experienced doctor.

"What do we do?"

"What do you mean Dr Kent?"

"I mean... about Sam. Will she ever get over her Dad. And how long will that take, before she's back to normal?"

"I don't know Tom, I really don't. She is very unfortunate. Did you know that her Mum died in Sam's care only a couple of years ago? Before that she was wheelchair bound from Sam's childhood. That really scarred her, which is why she wanted to join the army. I presume it was to erase and forget all the grievances that have occurred. And now this. I think it has just got too much for her to handle."

Tom listened carefully, unaware of Sam's history.

"She'll need support Tom, from you, seeing as she has no one else."

"But, I mean, we hardly know each other. I've only been here for a week."

Nick nodded in agreement, and said nothing else.

"You're done, now go and see Sam."

Tom took this as a hint; Nick wanted him to look after her.


	9. Chapter 9: Hidden feelings

**I'm sorry this chapter is so rubbish, I know it doesn't really work but I kind of rushed it! Please read and review, criticism is welcome too :)**

**Chloe x**

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Tom sat by Sam's bed, gazing at her pale face. Her expression flinched as nightmares came to haunt her in her light doze. Tom had an impulse to simply stroke her hand. It was just... There.

He used his willpower and sat up straight as Sam's eyelids began to flutter.

"Sam? Are you awake?"

Tom lightly rested his hand on her arm but pulled it back as she jumped at the touch.

"Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean... I..."

"No, no it's ok. It's fine."

She smiled and moved his hand so it rested back on her arm.

Seeing her bandaged hands, she puzzlingly frowned.

"What happened to my hands Tom?"

"Ummm.. I might as well tell you. You had a nervous breakdown. The psychiatrists say it is because of the overloading pressure, and stress. You need to take a break Sam, it's not easy you know, going through all that and staying in one piece."

"A... Nervous breakdown."

Sam whispered under her breath, her brain digesting the information.

"When can I go back to work again?"

"Is that all you're worried about? The funeral is next Monday, Nick said at least 3 days after that. We're running low on staff at the moment, with the flu epidemic and that."

Sam nodded, swallowing deeply.

"Will you come with me?"

"Uhh yeah, sure. Are you certain you want me to? I've only been here for a week..."

"Yes. Yes I'm sure. I want you to come. I... don't want to do it on my own."

_I could see how much it was killing Sam to admit she wanted help._

"Ok. Honestly, I really don't mind."

"Thanks Tom... as a friend though. Well, we don't want anyone to get the wrong impression..."

"I know, that's what I meant in the first place. That's absolutely fine. Do you want to go home? I've asked Mr Jordan, he said its fine for you to be discharged. I can drive you back."

"Oh, oh ok, umm... Thanks a lot... I'll just change... Ummm... Hang on, wait there."

"Are you ok? Do you feel all right?"

"Me? I'm absolutely fine. You're worried I'm going to break down again aren't you? You don't want to leave me on my own."

"No, I'm not worried... Well, I am worried. You shouldn't be left alone to be honest. I can stay this week, just until the funeral...?"

"Yeah that's fine. I have a spare sofa bed downstairs. I could use the company really, I get sort of lonely on my own."

Sam's cheeks flushed a gentle shade of pink. She tried to hide her embarrassment unsuccessfully with her injured hands.


	10. Chapter 10: Here with me

**Hi I'm back, here's chapter 10. **

**Also, thanks to TamForever for reading and reviewing all of my stories and chapters and being really nice about my writing!**

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Tom woke up, glancing at the clock he could see that it was still the middle of the night.

For the past 6 nights, he had been woken by screaming and crying from upstairs. Sam had been having horrific nightmares.

Tom made his way upstairs for the

third time that evening. He slowly nudged open the door to her bedroom, where she was sobbing and screaming inaudible words in her sleep.

"DON'T LEAVE ME! STOP! PLEASE MUM! DAD!"

Tom couldn't bear to see her like this. Although she needed her sleep more than anyone, he felt cruel not to wake her from her restless slumber.

"Sam? Sam it's me, Tom. Everything will be fine. Shhh..."

Tom cradled Sam close, stopping her flailing fists from beating him up. Tom had fixed the plaster cast at the hospital, but he had decided that a sling was useless in the night, her natural instinct was to protect herself from anything that could harm her. Every night she had ended up hurting her neck from pulling the sling as she tried to hit him.

"It's ok Samantha, don't cry, it's only me."

"Oh Tom, it was so horrible. Mum and Dad... they just stood there... laughing... and I was falling... into a deep, black hole... I couldn't get out Tom."

Sam sobbed and shook against him uncontrollably, whilst Tom tried to comfort her as best he could.

"Are you sure you'll be ok for the funeral tomorrow?"

"Yes... yes I'll be fine. I can't really miss it."

"You should really try and sleep then. Do you want me to stay up here with you?"

Tom could see Sam's haggard face shifting uncomfortably.

"Yes please... I mean, if that's ok with you."

"Don't be silly, of course it is."

Tom and Sam broke from their hugging position and lay down. Sam broke the silence about 3 minutes later.

"Thank you Tom... for being here for me. I couldn't have done it without you."

Tom glanced over to the resting figure on his left.

"You're more than welcome. I couldn't just leave you though. I know what it's like, I understand everything that you're going through so I wasn't just planning to leave you stranded to plough through it on your own."

"What do you mean... you understand? How could you? You have two parents right?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Tom rolled over onto his side, tears threatening to fall over his eyelids. He stared at the wall and tried to ignore Sam's sigh as she fell to sleep. Tom turned back and gazed at her perfect face, basking in undisturbed sleep for the first time in a while. He gazed at her tearstained eyelashes and soft, pink lips.

_How long will it be before one of us makes a move?_


	11. Chapter 11: Grievances

"You ready?"

Sam swallowed deeply and nodded to Tom, who was sitting next to her in the car.

They filed in together, Sam gripping his hand strongly for support. They took their seats at the front of the church and stood as the procession made its way down the aisle.

"Please stand to sing hymn number 28; Morning has broken."

Sam glanced around at the congregation, taking in a few vaguely familiar faces she knew as uncles and aunties.

"Now we will hear a speech from Alan's only daughter, Samantha Nicholls."

Tom squeezed her hand reassuringly as she made her way up to the podium. Sam cleared her throat and pushed her hair back so she could see the anticipating audience waiting for her to say something.

"Umm.. I'm not sure how many of you actually remember me. I was part of Dad's life for a short gap in my childhood. I only have one small memory of him; before my mum Alexandra had her accident I can remember the three of us in the park. I was on Dad's shoulders and we were playing tag while mum chased us. This was defiantly the happiest moment of my life, and most likely Dad's as well. I know that Dad loved Alexandra with all his heart despite everything, and always will do. Most of you probably remember Dad as being the most loving person in earth. From what I remember he would never put himself before others needs. I wish that I could've spent more time with him. I was with him the moment he died and will never forget him or his fighting spirit. I love you Dad, and we'll all miss you."

Sam didn't notice the warm streams of tears trailing down her face and the emotional faces of people in the audience as she went to sit down.

Tom whispered into her ear and cuddled her close as she sat next to him. The paper shook violently in her hands.

"You were fantastic Samantha, it was beautiful."

After the service, the congregation made their way outside to the graveyard. The coffin was lowered into the ground and Sam went up to the edge. She dropped a photo of her with her Mum and Dad, smiling and grinning happily as a little girl. On the back, it had written 'I'm so sorry Dad, and I will always remember you. Love Sammy xx'

She sprinkled on a handful of dust and walked silently away with Tom to the reception.

As they arrived, Sam excused herself to go to the bathroom. Concluding that it was empty, she locked herself in one of the cubicles and cried her eyes out. After around four minutes, she realised that Tom would be wondering where she was, so she came out and tried to compose herself, as she had thin grey trails of mascara streaming down her wet face.

"Sam, are you all right?"

"Yeah.. yeah I'm fine I think." She wiped away the last of the staining mascara.

"SAMMY!"

Sam turned around to find a lady coming towards her with her arms out ready for a hug. Sam leant over to whisper in Tom's ear.

"Brace yourself."

She stepped forward to hug the lady, who was sporting a black fur coat, with a tonne of make up, bright ginger hair and heels the size of the Eiffel Tower.

"Aunt Lydia! It's lovely to see you here!"

"Oooo...! Who's this young man?!"

"Oh, this is Tom, one of my colleagues."

"You FINALLY got yourself a fella then, hey Sammy...?"

"Oh no... we're not actually..."

"Don't be silly of course you are. He's not that bad himself though... maybe I'll pinch him if you're not going to!" She nudged Sam with her elbow... hard.

"Aunt Lydia stop!"

Tom's smile flinched as she mentioned him and dug her elbow into Sam.

"Oh I was only joking!"

The ginger woman bent over with tidal waves of laughter as she found her own jokes utterly hilarious.

"Ok, ummm... we should be off now, can't stay, we need to get to work."

"Work?! Now?! After your poor father's funeral? Don't you think you need a bit of time to recover?"

"No it's fine! Bye!"

Sam and Tom literally ran away from the crazy woman before she could inflict anything else on them. On reaching the car, they both breathed a sigh of relief.

"Wow, thank God for that."

"She is one hell of a woman. She was my dad's sister."

"... Did you really mean what you said about going back to work. Don't you think it's a bit early yet?"

"No I'm fine. I need something to distract me."

"Ok then, only if you're sure."

"Yes I'm sure."

Samantha looked away from Tom, only to see her father's grave being filled in, which sent tears running down her face once again.

On the gravestone, it read:

'Alan John Nicholls

1955-2013

Beloved husband, father and brother.'

It was too much for Sam to handle, she broke out in helpless sobs.


	12. Chapter 12: On the inside

Tom pulled over on a street to comfort Sam, whose pale form was racking with sobs. He made small, soothing circle motions on her hair to try and calm her down.

"It's all right Sam, everything is going to be just fine... I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep." Sam managed to choke out a few words.

"I'm not, just trust me. Your parents are at peace in heaven, they will watch over you, and protect you. Your father wouldn't want to see you like this over him."

Sam leant back into the chair and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket.

"Ok, I'm sorry... I must seem like such a useless wimp."

"No not at all... In fact, the opposite. Having gone through a life like yours still in one state would be the impossible for most people. I think you're the bravest girl I've ever met."

Sam watched him seriously, hanging on the edge if his every word.

"Can we go to work still? I can't stay at home, I'll fall apart. I need a distraction."

Tom carried on weaving his car through the streets and traffic, finally reaching Holby City.

Climbing out of the car, Tom glanced at Sam, who was trying to compose herself.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah."

The pair wandered into the staff room and changed into their scrubs. Lenny entered just as they were about to leave.

"Oh... Sam! Ummm... How are you? Umm... I wanted to apologise about what I said, it was..."

"Lenny. It's absolutely fine, I completely understand."

Sam flashed a half hearted smile in his direction before leaving as Lenny breathed out and grinned at Tom, who was still standing there watching.

Sam made her way to reception, where a group of staff were crowded around the door, anticipating a new arrival. Nick was standing and waiting with them.

"Sam! How are you feeling? Are you sure you should be back so soon? I mean, your arm needs time to heal as well."

"Mr Jordan I'm perfectly fine. Now, let me get on with my job."

Sam joined the crowd of colleagues, who were throwing her puzzled looks.

Tom came up by her side and rested his hand on her shoulder. He felt her shaking through the blue uniform.

Sam glanced up at Tom. Although she seemed fine on the outside, her eyes said otherwise. They were glazed over with pain as a man was pushed through the doors. He was about the same age as Sam's father, who had been involved in an RTC with major burns.

Sam dashed off to the bathroom as she realised she couldn't treat this patient. He was too much like her deceased father.

_IT'S NOT FAIR. How come this man gets to live when Dad was stolen from me?_

* * *

**Sorry, bit of a rubbish ending but I needed to fill in a gap because I wrote the last chapter ages ago and I really want to finish this story now!**


	13. Chapter 13: Long Day?

**Last chapter yay! :D finally finished the story!**

* * *

Tom opened the staff room door to find Sam staring at the blank wall clutching a cup of coffee, which was shaking and spilling over the sides as she trembled. Tom came to sit on the sofa next to her. She was paler than ever, and dark rings sat underneath her glazed eyes. Her hair was a straggly mess lying on her shoulders.

"Long day huh…?"

She looked up from her fixating spot on the wall.

"Yeah I guess…" She spoke softly, her voice barely a whisper.

"You look exhausted Samantha."

"Well, I'm sorry I don't sleep because I think about him every night. I'm sorry I can never relax because there's not one moment when I don't regret everything that's happened."

She broke into tears, covering her face with her hands from Tom so he couldn't see that she was crying.

"Come here Sam."

Tom pulled her into a warm hug as she let her tears run free. Sam started mumbling into his chest.

"You know, I never got the chance to tell him how much I loved him. He was all I had left and I pushed him away. I missed him every day, just like Mum, despite the fact he left us alone."

Tom sat on the cushion next to her, intently listening.

"I just wish I could go back and change the past. When I was younger, my friends used to tell me about all the days out with their dads. I wish I could've made more of an effort to find him. I should have forgiven him a long time ago but I was so full of hatred I couldn't find it in me to. The one thing I want more than anything is memories Tom."

Tom gazed into Sam's face, nodding in understanding.

"God I sound so selfish…"

"No you don't. I'm exactly the same. I was adopted as a baby. I would give anything for just one memory of my parents. I understand Sam, better than anyone."

Tom cradled Sam in his arms, rocking her gently.

"What was your Dad like Sam?"

Sam chuckled softly to herself.

"From what I can remember, he was kind, gentle, loving… and annoyingly stubborn."

"Sounds just like someone I know…" Tom grinned as Sam elbowed him with her good arm.

"Thanks a lot Tom. You're so complimentary..."

"You're welcome. Any day..."

Unexpectedly, Sam pulled Tom's face close to hers and their lips touched. Tom breathed out, finally enjoying the long embrace. He stroked her worn face, Sam's fists clenched, resting on his chest.

Finally Sam pulled away. They leant their foreheads together and gazed longingly into each other's eyes.

"I love you Doctor Kent." Sam whispered.

"I love you. Never forget that." Tom answered in reply, holding her face in his hands and caressing her skin lovingly, before leaning back in for another kiss.


End file.
